Married But Having An Affair

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Posts: 9
Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2010 8:27 pm
Gender: Female
date_of_ marriage: 13 Nov 1999

Married But Having An Affair

Post by Ekong » Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:07 am

I've been married to my husband for 4 years and things were all rosy and perfect in the beginning. As time went by i began to lose interest in him, like I would cringe if he touched me, nevertheless we would make love. I had to do it as those are my wifely duties. Now this year in February i bumped into this other guy and i've been having an affair with him for the past 3months, this is now the 4th month. I don't think I love this guy but the sex with him is amazing, he really knows how to please me, anyway I have just found out that my husband has also been having an affair with a family friend, someone we both know very well who is a single mother.

I've been trying to end things with the other guy so that I can focus on my marriage but I don't know what to do anymore. My husband is really apologetic and he says he love me it was a mistake with the other woman. Should I also tell him what I've been up to or should I keep quiet? I am really confused.

We have a child by the way, 7 years old.

These things happen, I am looking for serious advice please do not insult me.

Mrs Adewale
Posts: 7
Joined: Thu Aug 12, 2010 8:15 pm
Gender: Female
date_of_ marriage: 12 Aug 2000

Re: Married But Having An Affair

Post by Mrs Adewale » Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:12 am

My 2 cents worth of advise?

1. This is not breaking news/ unique at all .Adultery is all around us. Its actually the kid I feel sorry for cz hes caught in the middle and has to suffer for our mistakes.

2.Good news is, there's hope as its not the end of life. Always compare what your are going through with the worst possible scenario and you will discover there's a reason to thank God that you came back to your senses b4 the ship sank completely.

3.You don't rectify a wrong with a wrong. What is right? God commands us to confess our sins one to another so that we can be forgiven. NOW that said, theres also one thing called WISDOM. A nicely shared confession could turn to be the worst mistake you ever did and wreck you up forever. So test the waters first,weigh the pros and cons before you do so and see if hes capable of forgiving you. His reaction may suprise you.

What may happen if you don't share?

a) The guilt will haunt you everyday forever
b) What we do in darkeness will be announced in mountain tops(I know its not the case always but in most yes) so the possibilty of him hearing the story about his wife from out is also high.
c) The dude you slept with can easily blackmail you. Telling you that he will spill the beans if you dont do abcd. So which is better?

What may happen if you share?

a) Well be ready for either a forgivess or slap. (hope the latter doenst happen)
b) It may always crop up whenever you have your small fights.
c) He may never view you the same way again.

Remember that every mistake we make in life has consequences and solutions.The way to solve the solutions is NEVER easy so you MUST be ready for anything if you are determined to keep it going. That includes the above risks. So since you are a grown up, what wilL you prefer?

Face it head on and MOVE ON.

Oh Lady I hate to be in your shoes but theres always a way out of every tough situation.I hope all will be well

Posts: 35
Joined: Thu Jul 22, 2010 8:51 pm
Gender: Male
date_of_ marriage: 24 May 1990
Location: Remo Ogun state

Re: Married But Having An Affair

Post by Buddy » Sat Jun 25, 2011 7:15 am

The golden part of your post above is that you are willing to try to make things work with him. With this mindset, I believe that you'll get a positive result. However, you need to sever the link you have with the other man; this is very critical. Do so immediately no matter how painful it is except your relationship with him matters more to you than your marriage. And then direct your energy towards resuscitating the relationship with your hubby. Of course there are many ways to do this.

One way is to find it in your heart to forgive him and use the opportunity to draw him to you. Although some people might say you should also confess to him but it is easier said than done and it might even spell doom for your relationship (something which you don't desire) because you don't know the way he would take it. Whichever way he takes it, he would never forget it and that might forever colour his mind towards you. This is the human part of it. It has been known that women are more ready to forgive such than men.

Another way is to sincerely see reasons to love him and reactivate your sex life. There are also tons of information on how to do this on the internet. Sieve through them and see the ones you feel comfortable with and hope they work for you. Again, ask yourself why you should be happier when he's out. Nobody can answer this question for you although you can be guided. Ask yourself this question slowly and deeply.

In all of this, listen to your heart and use your head. Do not compare your relationship with another person's. What has worked for someone else may not work for you. You are unique and so is your relationship.

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